Because This Seems Totally Unfair

Since nothing is going on school wise (I took tests) I am going to take a moment to complain about the absurdities of life.

1. I thought I was okay being single and as always I am surprised that I am not. Weaker than I think or just lonely? The latter. I've been alive for nineteen years and I'm still not getting any. Suddenly that Simple Plan CD is making complete sense. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me. I am smart and I look good in boot cut jeans, what's more to love? Maybe I am just doing something wrong. I'm listening to Nicole and actively not looking for affection but that's not working. Although it may help if I "not look" everyday instead of just when I see someone ugly.

2. I still cannot decide what to do with my life. This has become a weekly occurrence for me, I get certain then I get scared and I think it's because I feel as though I can only do one thing. The "I can't have it all" sentiment. Right now I am flipping between a screenwriter and a columnist. I feel like I would be a good columnist, but then I have so many ideas flipping through my mind at once that I feel like I could be a good screenwriter too. And look at Diablo Cody, she does both. Albeit she could use a little work but she still does both so why can't I?

3. School is scaring me. Not community college but university. I've been planning my back up and I have decided that UNT would be a good back up if UT doesn't work out. Why? Because it is close and mind-numbingly easy to get into. I've been accepted twice already. But I don't want to. I would rather go to UT. I feel like it represents all that my college career could be. The fun and excitement of a new place. Packing my bags and moving to a place that's more than thirty minutes away. The fact that pretty people live in cities. And if I end up at UNT I will feel like a monumental failure because I ended up where I started. If I go to UNT I'll be stuck in DFW forever. I'll be tied to the fantasies that I never lived and all I'll have to show for it are the excuses for never have acted out on said dreams. I would let myself down and wonder how I ended up in the suburbs married to someone I barley know with my Asian baby girl trying on my shoes. I cannot not let that vivid imaginary memory happen. Suck it Denton, I'm going Capitol!

Thatcher